1. |
Flower Pattern
02:28
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In the light of the blue sky
And you’re squinting your eyes
“Hold still,
It’s got to be just right”
The wind starts and the wind stops
And you are
Clutching at your hair
And you’re muttering something about all this humidity that's in the air
The way your flower pattern dress waves and flutters in the sun
Like you’re staking claim on everything and everyone
I never saw you that way before
I never saw you that way
A dandelion, toothless, plucked
Up from your head into the air
The yellow stains on fingertips searching for the ribbon of spit
The smile spread out wide
folding up the corners of your eyes
"Hold still, it's got to be just right"
I never saw you that way before
I never saw you that way
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2. |
Still
03:20
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I guess it is just the way you dress
But you do seem a bit obsessed with death
Or would you rather I just kept
all these things I think to myself instead
Your hand against the glass
And your reflection looking back
Is it real?
Is it still?
You’re in the wilderness
Living so far out in the sticks like this
And when the sunlight disappears
The stars like they’re looking back down here
There’s that shudder in your breath
I know how frightened you get
Is it real?
Is it still?
You always talk about these ghosts that you see
Asking me what I think it might mean
But I doubt if there’s much more to do
Than to close our eyes and try not to move
The same you and the same me
And our bad skin and our crooked teeth
Staring down at the top of houses
And blood clots and car crashes
Oh, I got such an ache in my head
I hate the way you talk under your breath
Wouldn’t you rather we just kept
All the rest of this left unsaid?
The air is so thick on my skin
Like it’s the only thing holding me in
Is it real?
Is it still?
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3. |
Carcasses
02:44
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And the ground begins to shake
And everything seems so small and so far away
But you are still awake
And you have finally found the vein
And you start to fade
Like a carcass on the waves
And I just watch as you float away
But you talk in your sleep
Saying words that you don’t mean
And this is just how I dreamed it would be
And you are such a warm body to me
And every night it’s this same scene
Under cold lights, in this dead heat
We are buried deep, we are burning clean
But I talk in my sleep
Saying words that I don’t mean
Smiling wide and showing all her teeth
She said, “I’d like some answers please”
“I’d like some answers please”
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4. |
Aftertaste
02:50
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I don't know much about it
Oh it’s really just to help you to sleep
And I don’t think it’s all that deep
It’s just some bullshit theosophy
There's a woman in the water
And there's a viper that bites at your chest
It’s a story with a lesson at the end
Another fable that I’ve never read
There’s a cure you can take
But it’s got such an aftertaste
Of all of the days that you wasted away
And every mistake that you’ve ever made
It’s not just the weight of the anchor and the chain
It’s the sight of the body of water above
It’s the taste in your mouth as you swallow salt water and mud
And it’s the crush of the depth
Like the light hasn’t reached you yet
And every time you take a breath
It just feels like you ought to be drowning instead
There's a cure you can take
But it’s got such an aftertaste
And the longer you hesitate
The harder it gets to ever escape
There’s a light on the shoreline
There’s machinery buried deep
And I can hear my name get called
And I’m not scared at all
The first step into water
And the noise from the crowd
The walls closing in on you
As you start to head underground
And it’s cracked and it’s warped
And there’s blood on the floor
Well let me go first, man
Because I’ve seen all of this before
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5. |
Dead Leaves
03:45
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Pride is a sin
But you do like to brag a bit
The dead leaves
On the concrete
Move like a river right up to me
And how did we
Ever learn to live like this?
Fallen from the trees
Down deep to the rot beneath
Your lips, so warm and wet
and red like I can't believe
The dead leaves
Like some new disease
Or recrudescent perpetually
Either way, I get so sick
At the sight of it
And your skin gets so flushed
From the roughness of the touch
And the name along the wall
That just doesn't look like yours at all
And the latch key
Like some foreign policy
You put your trust in me
That this is just how it needs to be
The sky is candlelight
And your eyes fade from my sight
And your voice carries through, the words you used:
“Oh, I never meant
To be cruel to you”
And the dead leaves
Turn to gasoline
First they learn how to play dead
And then they all just die eventually
And what else could they do
Beyond this multitude
Of options
That they still had left to choose
“Of course it hurts.
It was supposed to”
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6. |
System Error 0xfded
04:30
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Outside,
You said,
“It’s not like I know you how you wanted you to be”
I stood
Waiting
Until it started making any sense to me
And I was hearing all the traffic in the street
And I was feeling all the streetlights looking down on me
Violent and bright
Like this was something worse
Than just another lousy night
There is a lesson I could learn
But I am always just misunderstanding words
And sweating from the heat
And all this gravity that’s weighing down on me
And I swear, sometimes I just go blank,I just stand there
Cracking all the knuckles in my hands
Until the surface starts
To tear and come apart
Ultraviolet and white
Like I had set the atmosphere alight
This world that tries to hide our hearts
In these bodyparts
And our skin is bubbling up
And our chests have melted into mud
I am torn and come apart
And I will not be waking up
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7. |
Bluecaps
03:37
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There’s something out there
There’s a glowing blue light
I don’t know how it turned on
I don’t know how it turned around
But I know it’s staring us down
We should run
There’s a fire out there
And there's electrical arcs
We ought to hide
Or maybe you should have
Just picked up your trash
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8. |
Practice Breathing
03:31
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No, I just need some time
Alone right now, I
I got a lot of little thoughts
That I'd like to figure out
Feel everything
Splinter into skin
Unraveling
And blistering
Eyes wide
Just like
Every night, every night
Like I can’t breathe, I
can’t breathe right
Bristling
At the bruises on the elbows and shins
Breathe in
Try and say anything
First four
Then six
And seven more
Calm down
Breathe in, breathe out
Just count, just count, just count
No I
Can't think, like
I can't think right
Gone
Blind in the headlights
Shimmering
As is slips
Feel everything
Setting in
First four
Then six
And seven more, and seven more
Breathe out
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9. |
Brodeur in Blue
04:21
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Just you
And your shitty cigarettes
And you are wondering what to watch next
On your scratched up Panasonic-Youth junkyard television set
And I am heading over soon
I’ve just got some more work left here to do
Then I will try and see you
Sitting there, all done up
With paper on your tongue, and you are
Barely even moving
You’re just staring out from way behind your eyes
Flickering skin in some new kind of color
And I wonder what you’re thinking
Like I wonder each and every single time
And I could spend the whole night
Right here with you
Another album loop
And it’ll be morning soon
Try and take a breath
And keep the oxygen inside of your chest
It’s an old thought that got lost in my head
A new memory of every single word you ever said
So stop talking like I won't be there
And quit acting like you're not scared
Because there's something vulgar going on in here
And your fingerprints are everywhere
Had another bad dream of me and you
Another album loop that I sat silent through
I got so much to say, you know, I
I just never do
And it’s easy that way
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m coming back to life
And lately I’ve been feeling like I haven’t done a thing that wasn't wasting time
And when I ever get to sleep I just dream of this bright white, sanitary kind of light
And I try to comprehend
The way it rips away the skin
Until we’re both back to bones again
So I hope you don't mind
If I keep to myself for a while
Dreaming of you
And everything we didn’t even think to try to do
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10. |
Old Notebooks
05:49
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I guess you ought to know by now
And I shouldn't have to spell it out
It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s alright
It’s not like you can’t tell
I know I’m not hiding it very well
It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s alright
It's another night of this
And I'm tired, and maybe that’s all it is
It’s fine, it’s fine, I know, that's true
And I know you don’t need me to say it out loud
But sometimes I think I do
Kept it on scattered notes
A sort of code to keep it close
But never finished
Never written
I don’t want to say the words
And I don’t want to talk anymore
But I still remember what I wrote
In those old notebooks
The pavement, the paint,
The voices in the wind,
The insects hiding all of their guts
Inside of their little skeletons
And a message left for you
Of what I really mean to do
I don’t know how you could’ve missed it
It’s just another episode
It’s an overdose on Rob Crow
And it’ll pass me by the morning I know
There’s this shiver in the air
And it’s crawling over everywhere
As I just sit and I stare out these open windows
Well I hope when you look up you’ll see
The stars the sky, the clouds, the rain, the haze
Because I'd hate to take that away
Just so you could see the vague eyes and loose shape of my face
Because I won’t miss you
At least not like Slint, Shellac, Pinback told me to
Both of us lying there
And the look you gave me
Like I was crazy to even ask
A pair of trembling hands
Tracing the scabs on your back
Pressing my head against your shoulder blades
And hearing your heart race
The ground feels so close
And the sky is so far away
And I am afraid
To move
To wake you
Afraid like I might wake up too
When allI really mean to do
Is wake up with you
And have you here still
To wake up with me too
First breath first words
Like it was the only thing I’d ever heard
It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s alright
And the ice and the snow
And the morning light, it’ll be alright, you know
And I’m fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm alright
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11. |
Songbirds
05:29
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Oh, I don’t doubt the sound
Of the thunderstorm thrashing around
Tearing out the power lines right up from the ground
Right up from the ground, right up from the ground
Striking me down for my wickedness
And anyone else who might try to make sense of it
Right up from the ground, right up from the ground
Oh, that's the sort of sound I can’t bear to be around
Please don't let me be found out
Please don't let me be found
Songbirds, songbirds
Sing at 60 hertz
Trying to form the words
Sounds like a fairy tale at first
Songbirds, songbirds
Build the pressure
Up until it ruptures and bursts
Songbirds, songbirds
Telling me the history of the world
Oh, I can barely hear it anymore
All this talk of famine, death, and pestilence, and war
And all these words I’ve never heard before
And anyway, lately,I’ve just been getting bored
I am stuck in traffic
Singing to myself like it’s my only habit
Repeating mantras, trying to calm the panic
I am delineated
I am metabolic
I am fully functioning
If you ever want to come by and linger on it
Because I just can’t handle these consequences
Of living these lifetimes again and again
And again and again and again and again
And again and again and again and again
They tell me to put pressure to keep the wound closed
But maybe it’s good if I bleed I don’t know
And I’m talking too fast like I always do
I just can't help but get nervous when I'm with you
Oh, maybe that’s love but it’s hard to tell
I'm running on coffee and water and not all that much else
I know I can be such a prevaricating mess
But I just cannot handle these consequences
Of living each lifetime again and again
If I’m quiet I can hear them all start to sing
Softly at first as the thunder begins
And then louder again at the end of everything
Songbirds, songbirds
Sing at 60 Hertz
Trying to find the words
Songbirds, songbirds
Build the pressure up
Until it ruptures and bursts
Songbirds, songbirds
Never learned
Never learned, they never learned
Why they would ever seek shelter from the storm
Telling me stories of the end of the world
And all of these mysteries that come before
Well I don’t want to hear it anymore
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